enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
