This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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