his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
