his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
