i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Cover your peen. We're going out.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
