Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
