My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
