Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
