somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just forgot I was standing up.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
