Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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