We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
