im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
