420 ftw
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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