i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
