eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
