When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
