my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
