How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We are all done wearing pants today
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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