A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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