you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
