I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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