rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you traded sex for a burrito?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
