so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
