Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
