i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
