I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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