Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
