So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
