He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
