We're facebook friends in real life
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
