When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I think I just sharted jello shots
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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