She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
