did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
