My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
