is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
