yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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