I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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