I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
