I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
