You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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