I think im going to throw up on grandma
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize