Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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