Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
