Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
where does the pee come out of this thing
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
