This girl is more easily done than said...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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