I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
