Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
