What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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