I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
