Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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