Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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