Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
