Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
