my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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