I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
