Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
