I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize