I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Everclear isn't food dammit
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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