dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
