i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
